Thursday, April 22, 2010

BCs MCs and colorful Delhi

You think you are a Delhiite because you were born in Delhi? Or perhaps because you were raised there? Or perhaps because you spent your best years there? Or perhaps because you found love/success/money there?

I don't give a damn. The only way to be identified as a true blue Delhiite is by the quality of the B****-***ds and the M****-***ds that you can hurl at people. Quality is defined by the intonation, attitude, eye moment etc projected at the time of delivery of the said honorable statements.

Nothing replaces a good BC or an MC. Not even C*****a or for that matter B****di-ke. Only wusses who don't have the guts to say BC or MC use C..a anyway.

So, now that you know that saying that is the key ingredient to assimilating yourself into the Delhi crowd, you need to know how to perfect it (The number of "that"s in the sentence boggles my mind).
  • Don't say it too fast - shows nervousness and lack of ambition.
  • Don't make the "d" silent while saying it, shows that you don't care about doing it right.
  • Even more wrongly, don't replace the last d with a k, as a honorable woman close-to-me does. It shows you never cared to learn the words right.
  • Don't look down while saying it - again shows you are a rookie.
And of course, the right way to say it is to give a short pause for dramatic effect, then to utter it slowly and intentionally stressing on each vowel and consonant (some thing like B X X X X - X X X D), while looking the audience in the eye and then giving another short pause to complete the dramatic effect. Your audience shall demand an encore, I promise.

That's what makes you a true blue Delhiite. I must know - because I am one. And while you are it, try staying out of my way for the next few days as I wander north of the Vindhyas, but south of Himalayas, in a full mood to practice the art I had perfected during school and college days, but don't exercise often enough these days because of my habitation in a more firangi environment.

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